Is somebody putting LSD in my marshmallow coco puffs? Because the freaking circus in my head last night was insane. I watched the new X-men movie before I had this dream, and you can tell.
I know that nobody gives a flip about my dreams, but it was so freaking cool I can’t help myself. Here it is, with no embellishment.
First, I was a half-human mutant living in prehistoric cave. I also had a mutant boyfriend and we were supposed to be keeping the race alive or something, so you can guess where that went. Oh, and the mutant boyfriend was the guy I dated in high school.
Then I was a regular person in the present, trying to get a pregnancy test to work, which made absolutely no sense as, apparently, I hadn’t had sex since before Jesus was born.
Dream logic. Right. Wait, no, I just remembered-I thought that some guy I’d never even met was the father, even though in the dream I was conscious of that fact. What?!
Next segment: I was with two men, and we were trying to save eggs that had fallen into the sea and become lodged on rocks and I was putting them under my clothes to keep them warm. One of my companions pointed to an egg half-frozen in a crack on the large rock we were clinging to.
“It’s dead,” I said. ” Look, it’s frozen already. I probably can’t even get it out.”
“Just give it a chance, come on.”
I dug at the ice surrounding the egg-it was only a fragile, flaky film after all-and put the frigid thing under my shirt. A swell came in and lifted me up gently-the eggs floated around in my shirt and pants- but my hands were locked onto the rock and I fell asleep despite the cold and wet.
I woke up and felt for the eggs, but they were gone. My companions and I dove into the water and searched the sandy bottom. Though cold, the turquoise water was very clear. One man pointed to something white and I picked it up: an eggshell, still held together by membrane. I felt something poke my leg; there was something sharp stuck in my pants, and I shook it out. It was one of the empty eggshells.
We swam to shore and ran up the beach, looking for the hatchlings. I nearly ran over a delicate grass basket, and as I stared at it, one of the men explained that it was something the animals made to protect themselves as they hatched.
“That makes no sense, I thought they’d already hatched.” I said. The men shrugged and grinned. We continued sprinting up the sandy path through the eucalyptus and palm trees. I came upon another little basket, this one made with thinner weave and taller than the last. I picked it up, and, breaking my fingers through the sides as I gripped it, put it over my head. We laughed as we ran.
We came to a wooded area with a vast meadow of tall golden grass. A warm breeze tugged at the basket I held above me, and I jumped; it caught the wind like a parachute and slung me in a graceful arc over the rippling grass.
As it set me down, I noticed a line of animals; not babies, but full-grown. They had been the inhabitants of the eggs. They were waiting for me so they could say goodbye.
I ran to a buck and took his head in my hands, pressing my forehead against his and crying bitterly. I did this to a little dog, too, telling him secretly that I loved him best. Perhaps he had been in the egg frozen in the crevice.
As I turned in front of my children, I fell to all fours and became half-animal, though we all screamed with human voices as we charged across the meadow. I can’t remember if we were going to war or simply running to our new lives; I think it may have been a little of both.
Later, I was part of a criminal organization headquartered in a mansion, though I was also going to a girls’ school where many of the students were also part of the clan. I had become jaded and bitter due to the loss of my mutant boyfriend from the beginning of the dream, as well as those animal children that had hatched from eggs.
Re-reading that, I’m questioning the wisdom of posting this.
Anyways, I was following a thin black man down the grand staircase, my steps slow and deliberate. I cornered him at the bottom and stood close to him. A stole of tiny purple jewels lay draped around my neck, and I tossed one end around his so that I could pull him towards me. He turned his head away from me, unwilling.
“Always looking for diamonds, and you continue to ignore me.” I said laying my head to one side so that my neck was exposed. Was he a vampire? I don’t know.
I followed him up another set of stairs, smiling as he gave me dubious looks but tolerated my company. Jewelry lay in black velvet display cases set in the marble, but most of it was protected by class. We came to one case that was open, and I lifted out a pair of topaz earrings. I put one in my mouth and broke it between my teeth, but the black man was looking for a different, tastier gem.
We came to a landing where several people were drinking and joking. The stairs we had climbed wrapped around the atrium of the mansion; you could see people in the gallery below.
I turned to my companion and suggested that we take some of the Lady’s jewels. She was in the shower; I could hear the water running. Then, for some reason, I changed my mind, leaned over the banister and addressed the man playing the white grand piano on the floor below. He was the leader of the clan, and the Lady’s boyfriend.
He was also Vinn Diesel.
“Hey! Vinn!” I shouted. “I’m going to eat some of Emma’s jewelry. I don’t want her to be scared. Thought I’d tell you.”
Vinn Diesel stood up, pointing at me, “No, you have no idea what she can do! She’ll-” but he was interrupted as the marble wall next to me cracked and a giant piece of a mirror was hurled through, no doubt torn from the wall in Emma’s bathroom.
I leaped over the railing, spinning in midair and shattering the mirror with my shin. As I landed in the gallery next to Vinn Diesel, Emma’s voice could be heard, shaking the walls as she shrieked death threats to anyone foolish enough to enter her chamber. She flung another piece of glass for good measure. Still crouching, I caught the dagger-like shard with my toes.
“Right. Not going in there.” I said.
There was something else where Emma and myself and some girls were sitting in an arbor, and Emma was smoking weed and making fun of the substitute teacher who looked like someone I work with. Then the kid upstairs jumped off the top of the refrigerator and I woke up.
I’m just posting this so I don’t forget it. I don’t care what anyone thinks, that was seriously one of the coolest dreams I’ve ever had.
, let’s play how not to get someone to like you on OkCupid!
Glorious Taco 